We have had some heavy stuff going on in our lives lately, that I will be working through for a long time. And, really, that has gotten in the way of me posting for a while.
I don’t know how to talk about these hard things, how to write a post about things so close, how to say what needs to be said. YET. So, I haven’t written anything for some time.
How To Deal, In My Strength… don’t?
What have I been doing? Keeping my head down. Beginning about 40 different posts over the last months. Working through Esther Hosea’s new book Biblical Boundaries as each new issue arises.
Today is different though. A dear friend of mine wrote a post about their spring celebration. The post was light and encouraging and just what I needed, I guess. As a read it I realized I didn’t need to wait to post until I knew just what to say about the challenges in my life. I could write about the joys and struggles of day to day and never know exactly what to say.
My favorite quote recently was said by Soren Kierkegaard “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” I’m not going to understand this season, how to talk about the struggle, how to process the joy and pain, until I get far enough ahead of it. Until I can get some distance between me and what’s going on. And who knows how long that will take?
“Letting Go And Letting God”
Today, I sit with the tail of a migraine, typing fragments of a new post into my phone. Children are quiet for the moment. One of those spare instants when they are all happily busy. The poodle has a fresh haircut. All the dishes are done. This moment is one I can appreciate. This 30 second window I fill with the glorious sufficiency of Christ in all things.
And here comes the call, “I don’t have any underwear!” “Mom, he won’t stop bugging me!” “The dog just threw up!”
Here I remember that it’s not enough to recap the sufficiency of Christ for the moments of peace, but to take it with me into the chaos of my days. To know that he is sufficient in his glory for my moments of contentment, and sufficient as well for my moments of weakness. I remember that “his power is (actually) made perfect in my weakness”! (2 Corinthians 12:9) My struggle reveals more of my actual faith and how well it is with my soul, than the moments when I feel closest to Gods peace.
Tomorrow I will look at today and see what God was doing. Maybe next year I will understand the struggles we have now. In 20 years I will see what God was growing and developing.
Yet, today, I rely on the sufficiency of Christ’s work on the cross to provide for what I cannot know. His power truly made perfect in my weaknesses.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
So how can I be praying for you in your day to day? Do you have something hard to walk through? Are you in an unaccustomed moment of peace within the storm?